Sunday, 20 September 2015

11 Benefits Mindfulness Meditation (with scientific evidence) Has On Your Relationships


In my previous post I mentioned the benefits of meditation on the mind, but for this post I would like to focus on the benefits meditation has on your social life and relationships.
The law of correspondence states that our outer life such as friends, relationships, and the way people treat us is a reflection of our inner world. Sometimes we attempt to fix our lives through trying to change your outer world (i.e. attempting to change people, deceive your way into a new job, etc) but sooner or later things will return to the state that reflects your inner world.
You can’t run away from your inner reality. It’s almost like a shadow that will always follow you until you get to the nitty gritty of things and change yourself first. I’ll write more about this topic in later post but for now lets get started!


“Be formless, shapeless, like water. When you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. When you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you put water into a teacup it becomes the teacup. Now water can crash and it can flow. Be water my friend.” Bruce Lee
One of my favorite quotes from Bruce Lee because it essentially explains the way we should live life and adjust to life’s problems on a daily basis. Meditation allows parents to adjust to stress and to the children’s temperament on a more consistent basis. Giving parents the ability to stay cool, calm and collected without allowing their ego to get the best of them.
What’s one of the biggest complaint children have to say about their parents? “Oh they think they always right!”
Parents who practice mindfulness are more satisfied with parenting, they interact with their children more and report feeling less stressed as a result of parenting.
Additionally, one of america’s main source of stress is work and parents are blind to the fact that their stress affects the children and the children are able to discern when their parents are stressed. A survey was given to 2,000 children and adults and 90 percent of children said they notice when their parents are stressed whenever their parents start arguing on a consistent basis and when their parents ignore them. What’s more freightnening is that 70 percent of parents report that their behavior has no affect on their children.
I personally don’t blame parents as much as I should because I understand that stress is a powerful thing to get over, but that’s no excuse. If more parents meditated on a frequent basis and learned to be present to the moment and accepting the moment as is, then we would see a shift in parenting which will have a bilateral affect not only on children, but on school systems, crime rate and much much more!
The benefits are endless.
Source: 8 Singh, N., et al. (2007). Mindful Parenting Decreases Aggression and Increases Social Behavior in Children with Developmental Disabilities. Behavior Modification, 31(6), 749-771.


One of the biggest causes of conflict amongts parents and children is the inability to regulate emotions. This results in solving conflict without being emotionally charged which usually results in doing and saying things that both parties don’t mean.
A child who meditates will also become more mindful which will lead to cleaning his/her room on a frequent basis, easier to form habits and less reactive. This is promotes maturity that will follow them to the rest of their lives. They’ll become more secure in themselves and will learn to draw state from within, as apposed from other people’s (including the parents) validation.


Love and Kindness meditation increases empathy and positive emotions which result in better relationships. This results in having genuine interest in people and in their lives. Attention and empathy is a form of value because it makes one feel understood and appreciated. This makes individuals with empathetic traits magnetic resulting in quality relationships.
Additionally whenever you speak to someone from a place of presence you become like water. Not only water is malliable, and flexible, but it’s reflective. The fact that you are conversing with someone who does not judge you but accepts you for who you are allows you to experience a new you. A “you” who only you would get to know if you’d stop being so judgemental with yourself and accept yourself for  who you are. But it’s a struggle for people to accept themselves for who they are because they beleive who they are is their ego. But when we encounter someone who’s not acting through his ego, but from his/her true being then we are able, through contrast, see who we really are through identifying the ego inside of us. This non-judgement enables people to let their guards down and show who they really are. Most of the time they are very gentle and loving individuals. We’ve just been diluted by the world around us as a result of living through the ego.


The American Psychological Association published a study that had it’s volunteer’s do “… just a few minutes of loving-kindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity toward novel individuals, on both explicit and implicit levels. These results suggest that this easily implemented technique may help to increase positive social emotions and decrease social isolation”.
This doesn’t mean if you meditate you’ll have the “need” to socialize in order to fill your empty cup. Rather, your coming in with a full cup and rather than sucking value it’ll be an outpouring of positive emotions which “just happens” to give people a good time. It’s not something you try, it just happens. The only part you have to consciously try to do is get yourself in situations that allows you to socialize and meet people.


Meditation improves school overall performance from teachers to students. Teachers report more satisfaction in their job and students grades increase. Many school systems can benefit from meditation’s positive effects because a lot of teachers are burnt out and a lot of students experience stress, either from school, parents, or as a result of their peer. This stress affects the student ranging from ability to remember to emotional regulation. School who have implemented meditation in their school system report more satisfaction.


Empathy is the purest form of love. It doesn’t judge or compares. It accepts and it doesn’t reject. Through mindfulness meditation we learn to accept everything as is and it first starts with oneself, and in turn of this self-acceptance, we can begin to start loving ourselves simply because we do. No reason or logic behind it. This will result in experiencing the purest form of love and ones ability to give it out to others freely without fear of rejection because out are already accepted by your own self.


Being mindful in daily life, particularly when relating to others, has the ability to build instant rapport with almost anyone you meet. When we are present to the moment we naturally listen and observe without judgement which leads to appreciating and accepting everything as is. When experiencing a the presence of someone who’s present to the moment people usually let their guards down (ego) and liberates them to show and act how they really would like to act. Removing the ego from the flow of the conversation. That feeling of freedom is only experienced when we feel that we’re not being judged.
Have you ever known someone who’s known to be a tough guy, but once they are alone and with someone who they feel won’t judge them they let their true personality flow through. The funny thing is that when the real side comes out it’s very likable and child like. The vulnerability is adoring.
People will love you for accepting them as they are and as a result it will increase your likability.


Inability to forgive is as a result of living in the past. Resentment can’t survive in the present moment because in order to resent, one must be living in the past. There’s no room for resentment in the present moment. When one loves unconditionally one is able to forgive unconditionally.
Meditation allows you to see beneath the surface things and understand that we are all humans and we make mistakes. That doesn’t mean you don’t become weary of people who betray your trust, it just means you don’t hold on to resentment.


“Oh he was too fast”, “He’s always rushing things!” or “he never takes his time”. Rushing things during sex will not occur because you aren’t focused on an outcome. You are there to appreciate every single second, moment, cell and body part with full appreciation and love. Yes, sounds kinda “corny” but it’s the nature of being present to the moment. As a result your caresses will be full of passion and intention.
The ego has a huge role in affecting performance in bed for both sexes. Women feel like they have to live to a certain standard as well as men. Meditation removes the ego from the equation and as a result it frees your body and mind so that you can express yourself without setting a standard of success or failure which causes performance anxiety. As a man you’ll stop comparing “yourself” to other men and women will stop comparing themselves to other women. You’ll stop comparing how this sex session was compared to the last and it’ll honor the moment through focused attention to the now.


Research on mindfulness with couples has demonstrated that it has improved marital quality.
My homeboy Eckhart Tolle said it best:
Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the “love” of
ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.
― Eckhart TolleThe Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment


One of the reasons men struggle to approach women is because of a term called “approach anxiety”. It’s a fear that most men experience that causes them to experience approach anxiety and run away to their boys with the excuse that “they look like bitches anyways” or something along those lines. When we allow our thoughts to control we tend to think every possible worst case scenario, or think of past rejection which causes anxiety and the suppression of our natural free flowing personalities.
Meditation allows you to remove the label out of situations and view them for what they are. It basically removes the social context and you view the situation in it’s simplest form because when we really think about it, it’s no big deal. It’s just a man approaching a woman. That’s it.
Lets change the context and force a guy to ask a woman for directions and you’ll notice that he’s more likely to approach. That’s because he labeled it as a natural and casual situation we all encounter. We all get lost. That’s normal.
At the same time we all feel attraction for the opposite sex and it shouldn’t be any different in how you should feel when approaching a woman to get to know her and asking for directions. Meditation allows you to be indifferent about every situation. In other words, it allows you to appreciate everything in it’s entirely. You are not fully appreciating an experience or situation by comparing it to past experiences or expectations. Your stuck in the past without knowing it.
Another factor that we tend to forget is that meditation allows you to become the source of your positive emotion. When approaching a woman we tend to view ourselves as “taking value” because “we want sex”. It’s a very singular view because sex is only a part of the fun. Rather we view sex as the best and only part of the whole interaction. Everything else is medium to the outcome. That’s the most horrible way to approach a woman. The self is always coming through and you are what you think.
Men also view sex as a value taking activity because we tend to have the belief that women don’t like sex. So it’s normal to walk around on your toes hoping you don’t fuck up. We come from the point of view of taking value from the woman because we want something from her that she doesn’t want to give. Remember, perception is reality and the person with the highest reality always wins.
When meditation is practiced on a daily basis, we are already filled with the positive emotions, anchored and centered within ourselves. All we can do is give positive emotions because we have an abundance of positivity. This approach will take you from “I’m gonna take the pussy!” to “lets expand the fun and if sex happens, fine if not, I’m still happy”. It’s not having an outcome in mind because you have everything you need. Everything else is supplemental.
Imagine going to a poor village and having 1 million dollars ready to give out to whomever has a 5 minute conversation with you. You can imagine you’ll be interacting with people in a carefree way, but with the hopes that someone gets over the 5 minutes so that you can give provide for them a good time. It’s a win win for everyone.
When interacting with a woman you won’t inside of yourself to think of what to say next for two reasons. You’ll be present to the moment so the only time you think of what to say is when it’s time for you to speak. There won’t be any going inside your head to think of what to say. A woman will notice this through your hesitation and slight use of fillers between your words and your unconscious use of eye accessing cues when thinking of what to say next. You’ll also speak from a source of positive emotions which will transfer unto the woman as a result of your reality.
What do women complain most about men? That us men always have hidden motives and needy.
Being present allows you to show your true intentions without being afraid of the outcome. The reason why we approach a woman and attempt to hide that we like them is because of fear of rejection. Remember meditation increases self love and most of our desire for love is to experience that self love. It’s self-seeking through other people. Allowing yourself to experience self-love will allow you to act freely because you have everything you will ever need. There won’t be any neediness or outcome dependence in your interactions.
One thing I would like to note is that the reason why most guys are perceived as “creepy” is because they are hiding their intentions. There’s no congruence in their words, thoughts and actions. Their words are one thing, their thoughts are another and their action communicates something totally different. It comes off as in-congruent and insincere and as a result women will run away from you.
Ever hear of the term “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”? If you feel needy, you’ll think needy and talk needy and this will repel women and bring you more needy situations that will give you more of that emotion. If you feel abundance you’ll act, talk and think as if you have abundance. This will bring forth situations that will increase that sense of abundance. It’s an ecosystem that support itself.
I bet you didn’t imagine meditation being this powerful, right? 😉
Do you have some experiences with meditation improving your life? Comment below!

Article from Dalexis Peguero form his blog

I loved this article and many more on the blog, so couldn't resist sharing it with you.... with Dalexis' permission of course. 

Have a great day,

Shaleza xx

1 comment:

  1. Very interesting reading... Time to put it into action.
    Thank you